That Drifting Poo Was Far Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.

As we consider the TV offerings of the past year, a handful of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the final season started, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the last series. It ended on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too on-the-nose. Still, fans undeniably found joy picking apart every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this drama's issues. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The laughably wooden dialogue? The tedious veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly wilful parade of tropes? Acting so bad they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the legal troubles, domestic violence allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but dismissive egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just really dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which seemed rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into twee homemaking as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine animated; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She clearly has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.

Too Much

How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was enormous for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of famous friends involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely breezy, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – intellectuals honestly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the online personality notorious for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.